How it all began.... A story: This story describes my intial encounters with the elderly and why I am now so passionate about changing the system/ changing the way people act toward and think about aging.

                                                                                                        Old but Lovable 

            My dad made me do it. I never wanted to spend time with old people on my Friday afternoons. Fridays were precious to me, at thirteen I had so much to do like well, uh. Nothing. Thank god for my father who made me do this tedious community service project that all thirteen year old Jewish children have to do to be confirmed for their bat mitzvah. He thought it would be a good idea to lead Shabbat services for the elderly. I did not care at all about the elderly. They were old, I was young. They smelled like musk and dust, I smelled like roses. They never saw the light of day while I was practically blinded by it. They did not know anything but of course, I knew everything. Their time had passed. Right? Those were my thoughts on the elderly until I went to the Chateau, a nursing home where my father and I led for our first Friday Shabbat service.

            Lima Abraham. Short, hunched, wrinkly and adorable. She was my first encounter with the elderly and ironically the first woman sitting in the large humdrum salmon colored room waiting anxiously for my father and I. She told us she had not been to a Shabbat service in twenty years. I rolled my eyes and thought how lucky she was because I had to sit through one every Saturday morning. But I pretended to be nice and told her I was “oh’ so very excited to be there.”  As the minutes passed about eight more Jewish residents were rolled in. I remember thinking how high-tech their power chairs were and how skillfully they could maneuver them through the narrow space between the long wood table and the wall. When the residents were assembled my father and I started the service. At first the residents didn’t sing. Slowly, one after another they chimed in, they all remembered the melodies from their childhood. By the end of the hour long service most of them were crying and I was confused. I starred at them like they were aliens. Finally, the service ended. The nurses came in and began wheeling the unfortunate non-power chair residents back to their lonely rooms. I was told to help, so I got behind Lima’s chair and brought her to her room. As I was about to leave she said, “Honey. Here’s a pencil.” She handed me a pencil, she was trying to be nice. I walked out and drove away to finally start my Friday evening of insane and mindless TV watching.

            The next week rolled around, same as before. We started services, they started singing, then crying, then I brought Lima back and I got a pencil. For about a month this happened and I actually started to enjoy going there. I wound up staying late to talk with Lima. She told me wonderful stories about her children and her miniature poodle she played with growing up.  I loved being with Lima.

             Of course, all things come to an end. One April afternoon my father and I went to the Chateau. I ran up to the second floor and down the sterile white hallway to Lima’s room. Room 232. Her nametag was gone. She died. That Shabbat service was terrible. I was upset. I later learned she was not even having a funeral because no one cared enough. How could no one care their mother died? She used to tell me wonderful stories about her children, and they could not even return the love and respect their mother’s death. I thought about it and was upset for about a week.  One day my father and I stopped going to the Chateau. It was not working with our schedule. There was no time in our busy schedule to help others anymore. The Chateau was forgotten and I have not been back since.  

            Fast-forward about 5 years. I am a freshman at the University of Vermont perusing the activities fair. I see a table brightly colored with an older woman manning it. It had free candy on it, so I obviously took a look. It was the Champlain Center Valley on Ageing. It was not a UVM based program but they did have brochures. I picked up a snack size snickers bars and a brochure. I ate the candy and shoved the brochure in my bag. About a week later I was rummaging through my bag and saw the brochure. I looked through it. Friendly Visitors? A program where you are matched up with an older person who has no one else. I remembered Lima, and felt guilty I left the rest of the residents there with no remembrance. I signed up for Friendly Visitors. I had an interview and now I am a friendly visitor.

            Rochelle is her name. 71 years old. Divorced. Sick. Alone. Depressed. But I love her. I visit her every Saturday and occasionally during the week. She is my new grandma in Burlington. We eat together, watch soap operas together, and gossip together.  My visits started out to make me feel more accomplished but as everything else, I realized the world does not revolve around me. This is for Rochelle and every other lonely old person out there.

             In previous generations and in other cultures the elderly are respected and given a high status. Unfortunately most of our elders are now forgotten. Sons and daughters throw their parents in nursing homes far away from them and the problem is solved. They visit their parents once or twice a year on the holidays and call when it is convenient. It might be a crude statement but some people seem to wait for their parents to die, just to inherit a large sum of money or a vacation house in Fiji. Parents are one story. What happens if an elderly person does not have children? Or friends? What are they to do? They are left alone. They sit in solitude until someone decides to befriend them. Some people are scared of the elderly, because they are scared to see what they will become. However, the elderly become old, frail and insane because they have no outlet; nowhere to go, no one to care for them, and no one to talk to. They usually live in assisted homes where they regularly see caregivers who are paid to shower and feed them. How demoralizing! Imagine paying someone to do basic tasks for you. But this is what it has come to. I will never forget when Rochelle asked me, “Do you get a stipend for this or something.” I was shocked and did not know how to respond. All I could muster up was, “Of course not! I love visiting you.” She gave me a look like she thought I was lying to her. I don’t blame her. I am the first unpaid visitor she has had in 10 years.

            I am guilty as well for forgetting; at age thirteen I left the Chateau. I regret that decision and think of how I could have positively impacted a few more of the residents’ lives. Knowing I did not keep going to the Chateau and giving the elderly outside interaction makes me feel terrible. My time spent with Lima and Rochelle has taught me that everyone needs someone to care about them, even old people. They might be smelly, judgmental, crabby and enjoy classical music and bad fruitcakes but they are humans too. They have the same needs as anyone else and before they were old, they were just like us, young and vibrant. Everyone should have a second grandma to care about. Maybe then the negative stereotype of the elderly will be lifted and American culture will one day fully respect and embrace the elderly. 

 

a wee picture of Rochelle and I  : 

 

** Something funny for your viewing pleasure- http://www.megavideo.com/?v=IGK3SPMM   click this and watch minutes 9:20-11:20 of an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia titled "Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down." It is a bit of a satire about my topic.. 

 

..... After realizing I was passionate about this I have asked many questions. What are the best ways to deal with this problem? How do I get people engaged in thinking about aging and eventually dying? Will open dialogue about these topics help ease the fear? 

 

Recently I got caught up in the question of- how do I help the elderly directly and make them happy? I designed this... A model assisted living community.  These are just pictures of a mock brochure I created for it....  

 

BUT WAIT...! this is not the right thing to do. Elders will still be sent to a home/island of with this proposal- not only homes need to be created but instead our whole society has to be re configured and communities need to support each other from birth to death. 

 

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Curiosity Brewing 

While in Oaxaca, I will explore and unpack the indigenous beliefs on death and the deceased along with any spiritual practices or rituals surrounding death and dying. I want to look at how these practices influence people’s thoughts about living and how they react when someone close to them dies.                       

            I have always been interested in the elderly and how they are treated in our society. Even when I was a little girl my best friend was my neighbor, Joe Conicella, an old Italian man who I spent all my time with. The in middle school I began leading Friday night Shabbat services at an assisted living home. Now in Vermont I take care of an older woman and spend many hours a week with her. Throughout my life I have felt a strong bond toward elderly people and not until recently did I discover that my mission and purpose for this life is to develop alternative ways of treating and dealing with the elderly. I use the word dealing purposefully, I perceive it is the way most people feel about the elderly, that they have to be dealt with, similar to dealing with taxes or dealing with a cup of spilt milk. It makes me sad when I see families putting their loved ones into nursing homes, away from the rest of the family and society. However, I understand why this is happening. Our society is run so heavily on production and the elderly are simply not producing. An easy decision for some working people might be to place their elderly parent in a home so someone else can take care of them while they are busy at work. But what does this do to our society? By separating the generations we are first marginalizing the elderly and second depriving everyone else of their wisdom and knowledge of traditions, customs and stories. I learned the other day that a similar pattern is happening in Mexico. Here the elderly are left alone while millions of young people migrate north to the US boarder for work. Once again, generations split. In history it was common for families to live together and support each other. Modern times are making this impossible because to find work and keep a job people must devote all their time leaving none for family and community. Because life is so fast it is hard to experience or even have time to processing feelings. Are we becoming a feeling-less society? If so maybe that is why there is such an intense fear of death and a fear of the unknown, even a fear that life was not fully lived, and an intense fear of loosing someone to death. I believe that dying and death is the most sacred moment of someone’s life and when enlightenment can be reached also that when someone dies they are not being lost but rather made into an entirely different being that is present somewhere else in your life. This is a new and underdeveloped thought but I also wonder why we only start missing people when they are dead, even if we have not seen or talked to them recently? What is so good about being alive – are the qualities and love of a person gone when they have died? 

            I understand it will be hard to make families live close together always but I do think it is important to build supportive communities of all peoples, family or not. I know the soul reason for my life is to re-teach people how to live in supportive communities while still being able to work and live in this fast pace world. My main concern at the moment is that the elderly are cared for and in these communities this will be a top priority. No elder can be put away in a home to wait to die. Here they will live a full life, surrounded by people of all ages. When someone is aging and needs assistance the community will come together and make a plan about how to care for the person and who in the community can give time to help. 

            Any wisdom I acquire here during my autonomous study will only enhance my ability to create such a holistic community. 

 

 

Narrowing Further 

While thinking about how I could further narrow down my topic or if there were any other pressing questions I could ask I decided I will remain exploring and unpacking the indigenous beliefs on death and the deceased along with any spiritual practices or rituals surrounding death and dying. I will also continue looking at how these practices influence people’s thoughts about living and how they react when someone close to them dies. By exploring this topic I will ultimately be able to answer a slew of other questions.  I want to help people with western mindset’s heal their immense fear surrounding death. I want to be able to change people’s outlooks and make them see death as a beautiful part of life, and help people realize that death is inevitable and fearing it is not productive. By incorporating my new findings from Oaxacan culture into knowledge I already have about Tibetan culture and Buddhist religion I will expand my perspectives about death and be able to show with many examples how other, usually more traditional cultures deal and react to death. My main goal in life is to conform elderly care and this is the starting point. People need to realize how to live their life, that their life is important but also to respect their elders and the deceased. I like the saying, “what goes around, comes around.” If our western society can slow down, even just a touch- for one day a year or for only five minutes a day and reflect and remember their elders and deceased, they will know the same will be done for them when they are no longer here in the same physical form. From many conversations with my parents, family and friends I know that one of the biggest fears is having accomplishments or even whole lives be forgotten. My question to that fear is, “Do you take the time to remember your great grandparents? Your grandparents? Even your parents? On a regular basis? Usually the answer is no. I ask “Why?” Not to my surprise the answer is usually, “I have no time, and how would I even do that? It is not like they would know if I thought about them or not…” My reactions to this are mixed. At times I almost want to agree, when you are on this earth you are here and when you are gone. You made an impact and generations to come will both pick up your ideas and run with them or not. However when I start thinking this way I start to feel isolated, constricted and worthless. NO! That is not right, no one should ever feel that way. Each persons contribution to the earth, to society and to themselves is a great achievement, and although humans are at blame for destroying the earth, we need to be given credit for being such a young species and still learning from our mistakes, we need to be given credit for preserving the earth and for being able to be so caring and loving is the midst of such social unrest. Everyone should believe their life was rich and successful and worthy to be remembered no matter what they did. Therefore if everyone gave time each day to remember the deceased and thank the elderly for their life they would know and expect that the same would happen for them. With this belief, my hope is people of western mindset would start shedding their fears about dying and start accepting its beauty.

            Before asking many questions directly to Oaxacan’s or going to pueblos to observe I wanted to read and learn the basics on the subject so I can have specific questions that will not just skim the surface of the topic. Also by being knowledgeable on the topic I will obviously be able to have conversations with the people rather than just hosting a question and answer format.  To learn more I have began reading two books. The first book, “Days of Death, Days of Life- Ritual in the Popular Culture of Oaxaca” by Kristin Norget draws on personal fieldwork and observations from the author. It focuses around meaning and practices of death rituals in communities on the outskirts of Oaxaca. There is also extensive information about The Day of the Dead and the festivities surrounding it, and how the rites and beliefs associated with death shape and reflect the people’s morals and social identity. The second book, “Dying is not Death” by Lee Hoinacki examines what it means to die and how it is a universal experience yet many people are confronted by fear that is brought upon by the medical systems that can distort the preparation and perception of death.

            Currently I am prepared to discuss information I learned about in the first mentioned book, “Days of Death, Days of Life- Ritual in the Popular Culture of Oaxaca.” One of my favorite quotes so far that really summarized many traditions and values Oaxacan’s hold is this; “Here, life and death are reciprocals, not antagonists or contraries; living is such that even the dead must pull their weight, and death is such that even the living must contribute to the welfare of the dead” (114).  For example, when someone dies they must go to purgatory first to spend because most people, except children and pregnant women, are considered sinners by the time they die. In purgatory they spend their allotted time and eventually are sent to either heaven or hell. During this time the family of the deceased prays for their relative to go to heaven and during the wake and funeral much respect is paid to the difunto (deceased). The wakes start in the evening and last throughout the night. During the time people are celebratory, drinking and eating, spending a lot of time with the difunto and even joking around with it or touching it if they feel it is necessary. During this time rosaries and prayers are repeated throughout the night for the salvation of the difuntos soul. Since proper funerals are also expected for each person, the community will usually give donations to the family of the difunto to help cover the cost of the funeral. When it is time for the actual burial of the deceased the coffin is brought to the cemetery. Each person present tosses soil on top of the coffin to represent the acceptance of the difuntos death and commonly a means of gaining indulgences for the dead, by throwing dirt is believed the dead will rest more peacefully. The burial site is then decorated with bounties of flowers and a cross at the head. It is not, like in western mindset, a place solely for mourning, for grieving. There is much more meaning behind funerals here which is why they are such dramatic occasions. “Funeral rites in Oaxaca operate as one of the most important means available to create the image of a collective whole. This collective whole- even if it is an ephemeral projection-involves establishing a unity of purpose between the living and the dead, as well as establishing or reinforcing a strong sense of local identity and social memory” (153).

            Dia de Los Muertos or Day of the Dead is a huge two -day celebration that occurs in early November. It is the day when once a year the dead return to earth. It is customary to spend a lot of money and time preparing an altar with offerings like food and drink for the deceased. There are many folk stories that tell of bad luck and night terrors to people who do not observe this tradition and leave nothing for the dead. For this reason, during this time of the year many people will lend money and goods to people who cannot afford because it is unacceptable not to leave anything for the dead. The dead are believed to come back to earth and spend the day celebrating with their relatives still living. It is a beautiful occasion full of happiness. I have heard from a few sources that the next day it is customary for people to wear scary costumes and parade around the streets making a lot of noise to scare the dead and make them leave earth. It is known that they are only supposed to be here for one day to celebrate and have a day of rest from purgatory where they are held before entering heaven or hell.

            After I am finished these two books and a few articles I have received from Gustavo and have had time for this information to absorb into my being I have made plans to visit with healers in the city and in surrounding indigenous villages. On these visits I will be able to ask specific questions and hopefully these healers will be able to name the express the feelings people have surrounding death and be able to explain to me how and why I perceive it to be such an ingrained feeling. Through my discussions I will also be able to compare western ingrained feelings about death, anxiety and fear, and indigenous Oaxacans ingrained feelings about death. 

 

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Curiosity Unleashed: 

 

Article:

"John Deere and the Bereavement Counselor" by John L. McKnight

Books:

"Death is Not Dying"by Lee Hoinacki, " Days of Death, Days of Life- ritual in the popular culture of Oaxaca" by Kristin Norget, "Now We Are Civilized - A study of the world view of the Zapotec indians of Mitla, Oaxaca" by Charles M. Leslie, "The Covenants with Earth and Rain - Exchange, Sacrifice and Revelation in Mixtec Society" by John Monagham, "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche 

Conversations:

 Locals from in Teotitlan del Valle, La Neveria, Concepcion my host mother, a friend in the city. 

Observations:  

 cemeteries, funeral processions in the city, photos in peoples homes, altars in homes, listening to how people talk about the dead. 

 

How Casa de Hugar de Ninos de Luna can translate and be a model for YOAZ

  Children helping children. Why cant elderly help the elderly? In YOAZ there can be community groups that host different activities to engage everybody and keep everyone a close knit community.Also, why do people see orphanages as a tragic place where children shouldn't be and there is a push to bring children out of orphanages but elderly people are stuck in homes where people forget about them. There is no urge to get them out or to engage them in regular activities anymore, why once in a nursing home they are forgotten about? Why cannot people adopt elderly people like they adopt children? This can be a revolution!  

 

 

Different traditions surrounding All Saints Day in the Mixteca (the most interesting and different custom I learned about): 

In the Mixteca region during all Saints day, people dress up in costumes and transform into velu's. During the time of the festival starting on October 31- November 2 the velu arrive at peoples homes and begin telling them their dead ancestors have arrived. The velu are regarded as kin to that family. Their arrival coincides with All Saints day and also with the beginning of the corn harvest. All Saints day is a time when all the deceased leave their land and return to visiting with their living family. The night before their arrival the living family prepares a large meal for their dead kin, also put out on is anything the deceased relished most in their past life. Everything is placed on a decorated alter and if there is more than one person returning a table is placed at the alter to represent more space for more people. On November 1, after the deceased children arrive everyone goes to Mass and afterwards a band comes by each house and plays near the alter for the deceased. The ritual is set up in a way that the people stay just as connected with the dead as with their community. Because this holiday requires house visiting everyone can socialize during this time and the community stays close knit. This holiday also comes at a time of year when food is prosperous and it is said that the deceased pick up bags of snacks along the way for their journey. To enter the living world the dead must cross a river and the velu are said to help in the transfer of souls from their home to their true home across the river. The velu's are further associated with the dead because they wear masks and it is said only the heads of the deceased return. The velu also have a negative connotation. When people die outside their home a negative energy is said to be left in that place forever and can haunt anyone who passes them and can even eat their soul. Because the velu's are associated with the dead sometimes they are not welcomed into the town and people reject their presence and try to drive them away. There is a tradition where the velu's will dance and sing around the towns municipal central area and the towns people will try to catch them and kill them. These precessions occur on Shrove Tuesday. This comical occurrence marks the end of the velu's stay and is the climax of the day when they are burned and hanged. The velu can confess their sins which are usually funny and then they are let down and burned again. Because these people are wearing costumes they are not burned and after the festival they are extinguished and re enter the party. It is important a costume is worn so no one knows who the velu's are. 

 

Traditional death and dying/ funeral practices in Mitla, Oaxaca: 

After death and the transition of souls to the after life the ideal of that soul has divine qualities in the eyes of the family members and towns people. When a person dies it is also said that they watch down on their kin and community members to see how they react and make sure they preform their obligations to the dead in a proper manner. There are superstitions of a dead persons anger if the following situations occur. a) the church bells that are announcing the dead ring with an ominous fashion, b) the eyes of the corpse might do not close, c) the corpse is very heavy when carried to the cemetery or d) maybe there will not be enough dirt to fill the grave after the pounding stone packs it. 

After death it is known that the soul remains in their house of death. The soul is refreshed by water, candles and flowers that are placed near a lime cross on the floor in front of the altar where the corpse was laid for the wake. Also near the altar is a bag of goodies the soul can take on its journey to the other world. There is usually a 24 hour wake and then the family has a noventa, 9 days of prayer. On the ninth day the lime that formed the cross is taken to the cemetery where the burial will take place and this represents the souls transition to the world of the dead. 

During funerals there is heavy drinking. "This drunkenness mixed with the funeral odor of incense and flowers to create an atmosphere of oppressive tension, and the world of appearances pulsed with the terrible mystery of death. During the noventa for her husband a widow reported that she felt the dead man lying beside her at night, the other townspeople who were present commented that this was not unusual. Similarly, members of bereaved families frequently reported that they saw objects move and that they heard noises as the soul gathered the essences of its belongings to take to the other world" (54).

On All Saints day the dead visit the living relatives and receive offerings that sustain them during the coming year. During this time of year the quality of goods in the markets and the physical appearance of people improve. One folk tale is of a story where a woman did not celebrate All Saints day because her relatives did not die where she was currently living. Her neighbor was worried for her so she brought food for the woman to put out for her relatives. The woman did put the food out but there was not much. The souls did come and were very upset that the altar was barren of food. The story goes that the woman died a few months later.

 

Traditional ways of thinking 

Vivimos y morimos, culturalmente (we live and we die, culturally)-Enrique Marroquin 

"Thus in Oaxaca the soul is described as shadow-like and invisible form, an energy with almost human qualities, and its protracted immortal journey involves movement through both time and space. The soul is thus understood to be a sort of spiritual duplicate of the deceased, or el otro yo, as one person explained it to me, an alter ego or the other self. It does not have a form but it is something one carries inside, its what feels, its what makes one feel. To make matters even more confusing, it is often suggested that each person also possesses another soul like essence, a shadow that, during life can already become separated from the individual and go on to exist independently....In Oaxaca life and death are not viewed as mutually exclusive ontological states. Death is not experienced as an event that introduces discontinuity and disruption; not only are numerous temporary deathlike conditions such as susto or mal de ojo or dreaming experienced by the living but the dead understood to return frequently to the domain of the living.... to give such voice to the dead is to bring them from offstage, from the margins of social existence, to center stage to the current of social life, not as spirits but as persons who linger as present memories and feelings, influencing peoples actions, contributing to thier sense of identity and connection. (Days of Death, Days of Life 115-116)  

 

"death not as the extinction of life but as a step, a spiritual transition from one state to another, wether it be better or worse" (Days of Death Days of Life 117).

 

"death in effect provides a series of occasions on which the community of the living may renew itself. In and through the right practice of rituals of death, certain members of the community of the living- above all, women rise to prominence and exercise force over the moral shape and scope of the community. This popular rituals of death confer moral benefits and distribute social power in the realms of both the living and the dead" (Days of Life Days of Death 150). 

 

Death has only given and recieved meaning, that is to say, it is socialized through exchange. -Jean Baudrillard 

 

Further reading about specific traditions in Chapter 3 4 and 5 of "Days of Death, Days of Life" 

 

Today in Oaxaca and Urban vs. Rural: 

 

Quotes from "Days of Death Days of Life"

"There are many rich people who now do not make an altar. They feel that it is not of any interest to them and the traditions belong more to the poorest people. They believe that the dead are gone and so there is no reason to amke an altar for them. Strange because there are still some rich who know the traditions but do not practice it. The poorest people are selling their hens to make a better altar for the dead. But the only thing that interests the rich is money and they do not have time to make an altar. They do visit the cemetaries but only to see their lavish gravestones"

 

"I think that in the towns the tradition will never die. Here in the city, maybe. But in the towns the custom is still strong. In Oaxaca there isnt the same respect their used to be. In a pueblo there is more respect- people are more humble. The rich have fewer beilfs. "

 

"Many poor people sell the little we have so the tradition will continue and wont be lost. Often we will borrow money but the tradition will not be lost"

 

"The dead are with us spiritually and nothing more. But the tradition will continue because you cant just suddenly forget your dead and abandon the family reunion" 

 

I have had some discussions with my host family about this and have found out alot about death and peoples views here in the city especially and even though they celebrate day of the dead and have alot of myth behind it all and appreciate and celebrate the dead, people are still genuinely scared of dying and not finishing their task on this earth. This is different than what i was expecting to hear. I asked more and more questions trying to find the spirituality behind death in the city and nothing was there, it did not seem like a concept or a world view how I was expecting. Tradition in the city is different than in rural areas and the traditions and world views have not flowed from campo to city. Even though our family still continues the tradition I wonder if they believe in it as strongly because it seems the christmas tree and decorations are just as important to them...

"todavía construir un altar con chocolate, pan, flores, velas, pero mucha genteen la ciudad no lo hace, creo que porque no tienen tiempo o su no importante para ellos. Pero es divertido, tenemos el altar y luego una semana más tarde,tenemos que acabar con el árbol de Navidad! cuando tenemos estudiantes que se alojan con nosotros siempre están riendo porque siempre estamosquitando y poniendo adornos nuevos en esa época del año." - Gloria, my tia. 

 

 

When I lived at Teotitlan and went hiking in Benito Juarez and La Neveria I engaged this kind of conversation a few times and every time whoever was talking to me clearly strayed away from the topic- is that an answer in itself? It is not respectful to talk about the dead, did they not understand me, or is it not important to them? I believe it is important to them but because I was not close to them and they did not trust me yet I was not going to get the full story. Even our host parents in the city just told us their brother died five years ago even after I had talked to them about Dia de los Muertes. 

 

While living in Teotitlan del Valle I observed the people. They sit, they weave on their tapetes, they cook food, they talk with their neighbors, they visit the market daily, they walk slow. Are they happy? Some maybe yes, some maybe no. Their lives are hard. But what does hard mean? Does it mean they work to live? Do they work hard to keep community? 

 

In Apoala and Teotitlan I looked closely at the cemeteries- very colorful and on the top of the hills over looking the pueblos. 

 

Here old age homes translate to island of old people and there is an assisted living home on Crespo. 

 

 

 

Building YOAZ (note: YOAZ is a combination of two names, Zoe and Cayla. Cayla is a friend who is just as interested in this and has been helping me with the planning of YOAZ. YOAZ also means 'physical power' in Hebrew and is going to be the name of the community.) 

 

The questions began years ago after my first visit to a nursing home in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. Here in this posh suburban town was an old decrepit looking building called the Chateau. It was an assisted living home, assisting people to die I remember thinking. The walls were stark white with no decorations, the air was cold and clammy, the nurses had bags under their eyes and did not acknowledge my presence and the residents gave blank stares as I walked through the hallways. My first thought, “ this place is hell! I will never let my parents stay in one of these and I will surely never be put into one of these places.” My second thought, “ how can I change this, how can I, Zoe Hoffman, reform elderly care; reach out and help these marginalized peoples. How can I engage people with the idea that the elderly deserve better.” And so the journey began. Ever since age 13 when I worked in my first assisted living home leading Friday night Shabbat services for the Jewish residents I knew this was my mission and the reason I was put onto this earth. In more recent years I have continued to work with the elderly, by volunteering for certain organizations or by simply making an effort to spend more time with my own grandparents.

            Until recently I have been operating my dream on the essence and dreaming levels. In my mind I have an idea of the most amazing assisted living home where the elderly are part of a community. Here they will attend engaging classes, be physically active, work in the garden and even focalize their own group meetings based on individual’s interests. I also have a dream that I will hold workshops that help middle aged people realize that one day they too will be old and they need to start caring for the elderly now to make a positive impression for the youth, the people that will one day be caring for them. The workshops will also identify reasons the elderly in our western society are marginalized, just recognizing these generalizations and judgments will help stop elderly oppression. Although I have these high hopes and visions for the future my inner critic is on the verge of building a road –block for me. My critic continues to tell me that people will not take my ideas and hopes seriously because I am young, naïve and inexperienced. For now to shut down this critic and to start moving my dreams into consensus reality I keep telling myself a quote someone said to me recently, “its ok if its only obvious to you.” And it is obvious to me; therefore I have started to make my dream a reality. I have started looking for employment opportunities that will give me more creditability and experience. I have also been pursuing my internal struggle about why and how the elderly have become so forgotten and marginalized and in doing so have found more people interested in and engaging with the same questions.

     Here in Oaxaca I have witnessed many different types of communities I can begin to model YOAZ on. Ideas and mexican world views I would like to incorporate into my plan are the ideas of reciprocity, hospitality, craft making, how there are no real queues/lines, always a large smile :-), frequent celebration, and connection to the land. I once saw an interview with a Native American that said he will never be lonely or feel unloved because every morning he looks outside and sees the earth and its plants and then looks up and sees the sky and the clouds and the sun and he knows they are all feeding him and giving him unconditional love. Because he feels close to nature he will always have a lover and never be alone. What a beautiful outlook I thought, and a fantastic worldview for YOAZ. There are other attributes of Mexican culture I would not want to incorporate for example, heavy alcohol consumption and also the concept of haggling or bargaining. Even though I have benefited from this while in Oaxaca I believe that someone's craft or sale should be priced on their time, labor, quality and love and if this is established in YOAZ people will not feel the need to over charge or under charge some people, products will be sold equally to all people and the price will depend on what the vendor needs or wants for his/her work. However, instead of currency a trading policy would be encouraged. 

     The more and more I think about YOAZ I think it shoud not just be a community for the elderly but for all people with an emphasis on the elderly and on the concept of death and after life. The community would have more diversity and more energy with people of all ages. Also the younger people could help with workshops to educate about death and teach people in our current society how to feel. 

I see this as a huge inner struggle of many people- why death is such a scary "end" ? They have been too busy to really feel with their senses and with their heart and wish they had when death is upon them.

     What if you had felt your whole life, what if you had been full with love your whole life and what if you believed what you had lived on this earth was enough to satiate your soul. Then would you be scared to die, scared to leave your physical form and enter a new realm, possibly an unknown but new and enchanting reality? YOAZ will be based on feeling. We all have the physical power to feel, we just need to relearn how. 

     

 

 

 

Presentation

continue my description of how i will create YOAZ, a community for the elderly, by incorporating what i have learned here. Do an activity with the group: I will quickly explain what Dragon Dreaming is then with everyone create a community based on and focusing on the elderly. I know what I think and have learned through my discussions and through reading many articles and books but I want to use the group to find their ideas on this and how they would set up. What programs might be good? Have they experienced caring for elderly and what techniques they have used? What kind of environment to place it in? What kind of staff and prep are necessary? How to propose my business plan? How to get started?! ect... Dragon Dreaming will help us sort this out.

 

something to think about.....

... Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment...